Ok, so I have this really super cute story to tell…and you’re gonna laugh, I know you will…humor me.
My husband is this super brilliant sort of genius type, he just knows shit, and also he has this strange aura about him. I, knoowwaa…it’s annoying. So around his office if someone’s computer is jacked up, they will call him to come look at it, sometimes all he has to do is touch the computer, or get near it, and it will suddenly work. So this joke started to circulate about how he should just wipe a booger on everyone’s computer and his aura would always be there and nobody’s computers would be down…ever! What a great idea! Waaalaaah!
So earlier, the whole washer incident…well, umm, der…I sorta didn’t elaborate on the melt down I had over the softball uniform being locked in…and how we had to leave for the games in like totally 15 minutes or we are going to be late, and he is the assistant coach and I am the manager and the games must go on but the washer is being a bitch and won’t let me have the clothes and we have to leave in like 15 minutes and where are you anyway? … (husband) calmly: I am on my way back. (me) not so calmly: Well hurry up because her uniform is locked in the bitch washer and we have to leave in like 15 minutes and we are going to be late, and her uniform is locked in the washer, WET! Wellll…let’s just say, I never really acquired much for patience, so…I kicked the door a few solid times, then a sharp blow to the left, then the right, BAM! BAM! Take that you mutha f#cka! Take THAT!!! Then I pulled and tugged and cussed some more, cuz cussing helps don’t cha know…suddenly there is a cracking sort of noise and the door flies open and I threw the uniform in the dryer for a solid 5 minutes, because of course 5 minutes is enough time to dry a uniform, duh.
Off to the game we went, wet uniform and all…tough games…all two of them…got our asses handed to us on the first one, the second wasn’t a whole lot better, just closer…I blame the bitch washer.
So, forgetting about yesterdays washer drama, and after I got the kids off to school this morning, I stuck to my usual routine of throwing in a load of wash, tossed in the clothes, filled up the soap, shut the door, shut the door, shut the door, what the F? Why won’t the damn door latch? What the? Slam the door, slam the door, what the flarn flurn hell is going on now? As the door is only half way latching, I start it anyway…grinding and groaning…and some clicking noise…whatever bitch, and with one swift kick…noise stops, washer runs successfully, and also…DOOR LOCKS! Which technically, it is suppose to do that, it’s just that when the load was done…it wouldn’t F-ING.UNLOCK.AGAIN! And so, after dinner I ask the hubby ever so politely, if he would take a look at the washer…cuz.the.friggin’.door.won’t.open.again. He walks in the laundry room and with a wave of his magical wand, the door opens ever so gracefully…LOL! I am seriously laughing at myself right now. That part isn’t true. But he did walk in and open that piece o shit door, right the fuck up…damn it. I am going to make him wipe a booger on it before he leaves for work tomorrow~