Life’s short…

My Life is full of CRAP and CORRUPTION!!! November 20, 2007

Monday, 6:45 am the alarm goes off, husband hits snooze…

6:55 am, the alarm goes off, husband hits snooze…

7:05 am, the alarm goes off, husband hits snooze, at which point I say…”Are you going to get in the shower?  I have to get in there, I have to go to work today”…

7:10am, I get in the shower because he didn’t…now running behind schedule, I shower get dressed, do my hair and proceed to get Madison clothes from her room…trip…fall…and cuss…alot.  Her room is a damn disaster and there is no where to place your feet without stepping on miscellaneous small and pokey sharp little teeny tiny pieces of Brats dolls, Sweet Streets, Princess crap, and at least a gagillion bucket loads worth of fricken video game paraphernalia.  In the midst of this mess is not one single pair of clean pants…anywhere…proceed with mini melt down followed by a very well displayed temper tantrum out of a 38, umm, I mean 28 year old grown up ( I am sure you all would have been proud)!   The disaster that was there turned into a complete catastrophe in a matter of 5.2 seconds.

7:50 am temper tantrum almost over with, Madison is dressed and ready to proceed out the door to school by 8:06 am and I am now also late getting out the door to get to work.

Eff-ing traffic is backed up for no.apparent.good.effing.reason.damn.it.

8:35 am…Arrive at work.  Apparently the last day worked by someone else, was too hard on said someone else and they didn’t get the prep work done for Monday before they left at 4:15 pm on Friday, (what the hell did you do all day?)  I can get the whole days work and the prep done before 2:00 pm on everyday that I am there and then some…I.just.don’t.get.it.moron.  I Luckily escape serious injury for the day, ei, no papercuts or staple stabs, although I didn’t get time to practice my left handed paperclipping, I did manage to finish ALL of my work and prep for the someone elses for today before 3:00 pm.

2:45 pm…Hubby calls…he wants to know if I want to go to JP’S for dinner and a few drinks?  Well hell yeah!  I am going to need it by the time today gets over with!  I AM IN!!!

3:05…phone rings again…daughter number two calling to ask to go to a friends house after school until she has to go to hockey…I respond…HELL NO!!! Have you seen the freakin house?  No one is going anywhere until that shit is cleaned up, I am totally sick of looking at the messes and dishes and the laundry and the crap and corruption that has taken over our abode and it is going to get cleaned up TODAY!  I proceed with my rant for a good long time and said basically the same crap I say to everyone in this house everyday.  I.AM.ONLY.ONE.EFFING.PERSON.AND.I.CAN’T.DO.ALL.OF.THIS.SHIT.MYSELF.  I swear they are all in on a conspiracy to drive me to the insane asylum.  Hang up phone and proceed to drive home.

3:15 pm…Phone rings again…daughter number two again, “Dave called” (her hockey coach)…”he wants me to go to Varsity and JV practice…he is picking me up in a couple of minutes…my stick is in your truck”…

3:20 pm…Haul ass to hockey rink…drop off stick…come home to pick up son (kid number 4)…bring him to the rink…tie his skates…proceed home…

4:55 pm…assess the disaster at home briefly…turn around and get back into the truck to go back to the rink once again to pick up daughter number two.

5:10 pm…daughter number three calls…”I NEED some Chex cereal, brown sugar, and Karo syrup, for a school project…can you get that for me?” What the hell?  Why would you need that now?  And I suppose this is due tomorrow?  Damn it!  and also…NO! 

5:25 pm…thought I would try to relax at the rink until 5:40 at which point daughter number two is done with practice…I was wrong…so wrong…a hockey board member (name withheld) approaches me and says she needs my sons birth certificate…now.

5:27 pm…hop in lightning fast Lincoln press the “invisible from police officers” shield and proceed through the streets of town heading for home again at approximately five gagillion miles per hour to scan, and print sons birth certificate…

5:40 pm back at the rink…beeyotch is gone…but look!  Hubby has arrived!  Receive rather big hug from hubby and as I am hoping that all things are better now, he says…”I don’t think we are going to make it to JP’s on time for dinner”…I respond with…”WHAT!  That was all that was getting me through this day!  What are you doing to me?”

5:45 pm…daughter number two emerges from the locker room smelling like a dead and rotting carcass and says she needs me to bring her to Taylor’s to do a project…Taylor goes to school in our town but doesn’t dwell here, it is a very long drive to Taylor’s house and it is a school night and daughter number three has a band concert at 6:45 pm.  And hell to the no…I am not driving you to Taylor’s, do your project alone at our house and next time pick a partner that lives by us…DUH!…Now SHE need ingredients.  Proceed to grocery store to buy…Chex cereal, brown sugar, Karo syrup, cream cheese, graham crackers, semi sweet morsel, vanilla…

6:05 pm…return home…drive daughter number three to school for band concert…realize we forgot the damn graham crackers.

6:15 pm…call Dad have him pick up some graham crackers.

6:47 pm…Dad and I arrive at the band concert…we listen to the horrible harmonious band concert

7:15 pm…arrive home once again…call JP…GREAT NEWS…they haven’t started eating yet!  Hop back in car and fly to JP’s where we were served a fabulous meal and drank six a few beers talked and then finished up the night with a few really, really, fun rounds of Beer Pong.  Don’t worry, I didn’t know what it was either…but I do now…and it’s a blast!   

12:05 am…arrive home to this…

12:15 am…write this…

Am I still in the running for Mother of the year?  You can just drop my trophy in the mail and ship to: 

555 I have lost my frickin’ marbles

Insane Asylum MN, 55555  USA

PS  Does anyone have any Diazepam???

                                                                                             

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17 Responses to “My Life is full of CRAP and CORRUPTION!!!”

  1. Smart-assed kids’ mind says: “Why is the windowsill never ok, mom?”

  2. Homie DJ Dawg Says:

    Ahh… I love this single life I have…
    Thanks for officially scaring me away from having kids…
    Peppers is always a good stress reliever… They even have beer, and a freaking awesome karaoke host. 😉
    Hang in there and good luck with the kids…

  3. moooooog35 Says:

    You know, in the time it took you to write those notes, you could have washed at least ONE dish.

    …I’m just saying.

  4. Nicola Says:

    Love the blog, hope you don’t mind that i added ya to my blogroll. I wanna read more 😀

  5. terri Says:

    three things came to mind as I read this post:
    1) Serious Injurly List
    2) I need something to hang big, scoldy notes from
    3) Can I come over and eat your kids’ school projects? They sound yummy

  6. Rick Says:

    (speechless)….Really….I am not going to laugh…..honestly……ok ok ok ok …LOLOLOLOLO ROTFL!!!!! This is a movie in the making!! Love it “G”..
    “T” was right. THose treats do sound yummy!

  7. BobG Says:

    Tequila was invented for a reason…just sayin’…

  8. mommy2five Says:

    Jason, the sign was pointing to the dishes not the windowsill…smart ass!

    Dj Dawg, we have been know for a good source of birth control…hmmm…I wonder why? I haven’t talked to the gang yet to see where we are sportin our night before Thanksgiving Festivities…could be Peppers!

    MOOOOg, I don’t do dishes…eva…and the sign worked so I may be using this form of communication with my children more often…it was the invention of a drunk tired mind…maybe I should get drunk more often…hmmm…I might be on to something.

    Nicola, thanks a bunch! As soon as I figure out how to add a real blogroll I will get you on there too!

    Terri, Lol! Serious injurly! That’s a blast from the past. Just keep a notepad and a roll of tape handy…you can hang them from just about anything, the glasses were just handy at 12:00 am. And also you can totally come over and eat the creations…I see you are feeling a bit on the adventurous side? You are coming over on Thursday right? Cuz I think there might have to be a round or two of beer pong going on…

    Rick, I am truly glad that you get so much enjoyment out of my crazy household…laugh it up Buckwheat, as soon as I get your address I am shipping a couple of well adjusted kids to ya!

    Bob, don’t you remember…you know…the whole “I puked in the NAVIGATOR thingy? No hard liquor for this chica…no,no,no,no,no. But you may be able to twist my arm a bit for a case or so of Michelob Golden Light…just sayin’.

  9. BobG Says:

    Michelob works; it makes a good chaser for tequila and vodka.

  10. Can certainly relate to the chaos. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

  11. Rick Says:

    You are a wonderful writer “G”…Keep up the good work. I currently have no need for any “well adjusted kids”, but those treats still sound good! 😉

  12. Allyn Paul Says:

    I am tired and pissed off just from reading that post! LOL

  13. That green cup used to be mine… how’d it get there?? 🙂

  14. Slick Says:

    Dadburn girl…I’m winded just reading that!!

  15. Adam Says:

    Your lawn is dead…

  16. BillyWarhol Says:

    i like the Shower part Best*

    ;PPP

    but i don’t know how U Mom’s do it*

    yer amazing*

  17. […] Life’s short… « My Life is full of CRAP and CORRUPTION!!! […]


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