Life’s short…

Kids are gross! March 24, 2008

Filed under: Blogroll,Humor,Life,Parenting,Uncategorized — mommy2five @ 6:40 am
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I know that doesn’t sound really nice coming from someone who happens to have five of them…but…

My children are actually almost 19, 16, 13, 10, and 7 years old…

Let’s start with babies…you know…the little ones. They are so full of runny stuff…and have absolutely no prob spewing really disgusting things out in various forms…first is usually the white sour smelling crap that comes out of their mouths consistently…sometimes it may even be chunky…and/or come out of their nose. EEEEWWWEEEE!!!

Did you know there is a scientific problem when it comes to infants…it is the aspect of babies that defies all laws of gravity…shit…and I do mean actual shit…will inevitably travel from the lower portion of the body and reveal it’s ugly (no pun intended) rear at the neckline…how the hell does this happen? They are sitting up all relaxed in their little chair or worse yet your lap and the next thing you know that mustard colored, snotty consistency, runny assed shit is coming out of their friggen neck!  Gross…this is the point that you remove all clothing and toss directly into the trash…rubber gloves and gas masks are highly recommended!!!

Then there is the constant drool that seems to run for approximately 18 friggen months and if you are me…a bib is part of the “outfit” because gross…they are always wet.

They eat with their hands…anything…even if it wasn’t edible to begin with and or also if it was meant to be eaten last week…remember that sippy cup of milk you lost a week ago?  They will eventually find it and apparently the pungent smell is not enough to ward them off of it. Slurp…I have seen this one with my own eyes…GAG!

Eventually they grow…and as they do the messes and gross things they do just change…not go away. Toothpaste smeared all over the bathroom sink and spit all over the counter and mirror because apparently brushing your teeth needs to involve the entire bathroom. Globs of shampoo, conditioner and body soap…dried…don’t worry I will keep the really gross bathroom stuff to myself…except for maybe the time the toilet overflowed so bad that it flooded the kitchen ceiling below and they didn’t bother tell me until I happened to notice the ceiling bowing and had to poke holes in it to release the toilet water before the whole thing gave out…nice…that was a really fun repair job…NOT!

Throughout the years I have spent many hours first scraping the boogers off of the wall and then trying to scrub them off with a bucket of very strong ammonia water…which never worked because those suckers apparently are the secret formula they use in glue…and ultimately it is just easier to paint the effing wall, and yes you do have to sand first unless you like the textured look.

What prompts this post you ask? We moved Madison the youngest, into Kirsten, the oldest sisters old bedroom this weekend…I found all kinds of really cool treasures in there when cleaning it out…my Gawd! She was in that room for a whole six years…how the hell does one trash a room like that? I couldn’t even tell you what most of the shit all over the carpet and walls was but clearly she spilled alot…interesting considering we have a no food or drink in the bedroom policy which was more than obviously ignored by one certain teenager. Well guess how she spent her Easter Sunday…that’s right…she found her Easter basket from the bunny and then proceeded to remove the various types of tape and stickers from the doors and walls and sanding other various unidentifiable chunks of who knows what off of the walls…I think she had fun…and I am pretty sure she will no longer tape things to walls and furniture…WHEW! That only took 19 years to grow her out of!

Madison will be officially moved into her new room tonight…can’t wait to see what I find in her old room.


16 Responses to “Kids are gross!”

  1. Candid Says:

    Bleh, I have a just-about two year old who ate ‘something’ off the carpet just yesterday. Urgh. We’re pretty clean. HOW in the world does he manage to find one fo the things we miss and think it’s snacktime. We feed him, I swear. I never believed in such a thing as a ‘carpet muncher’ until we had the Menace. He’s also in the ‘you’re my personal snot rag’ phase. Don’t pick him up if he’s crying unless you want to change your shirt! And the horror stories about my 9 year old in the bathroom. Jeepers…..I hear you. This post made me laugh out loud more than once. I ’bout lost it a the ‘textured walls’ line. Oh, that’s so gross and soooo true!! Good luck with Madison’s room!!

  2. terri Says:

    This reminds me of my favorite phase of childhood….the one where they haven’t yet learned to recognize the signs of impending vomit spewing. They’re running around the living room, playing happily and suddenly….. RALPH!

    I don’t miss the days of cleaning up their bodily functions from my living space. NOT. AT. ALL.

  3. mommy2five Says:

    LOL! Candid…it sounds like you have a lot more years of this lovely phase of life than I do! I figure only about 11 more and I should be gross kid stuff free!!!

    Terri…member that one time…when I was over hanging out with you…and Jake…you know…RALPH!

  4. BobG Says:

    “They eat with their hands…anything…even if it wasn’t edible to begin with and or also if it was meant to be eaten last week…”

    I never could understand that; you can get a toddler who will refuse to eat smashed peas, but turn them loose and they will try to eat things that taste horrible if you’re not watching them; is there something wrong with their taste buds when they’re that age?

  5. sauerkraut Says:

    Pet peeve of mine is the food found along the baseboards upstairs. And we, too, have a food-in-the-kitchen-only policy. The teenager is the worst violator of that policy.

    I hate cheez-its!

  6. Steve Harper Says:

    Kids…monkeys….no difference. If we didn’t yell at them constantly and lock in their bottoms with diapers and pants they would jump on the furniture and throw poo at each other.

    Ripple On!!!

  7. Mo Says:

    Wait – it gets worse – you’ll soon have to babysit the grandchildren.

  8. Rosabel Says:

    Those are treasures! You will smile when you look at them and recall what they have done when they are little!

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  10. Elaine Says:

    That’s what I see in my children too. Haha… kinda agree that kids are gross but their innocence always bring me smiles, warmth n happiness! 🙂

  11. my son is 7 months old… poo is bad baaaaadddd

  12. DottSG Says:

    Hey cool site and great insight!

    Greetings from Singapore

  13. with such adorable expressions kids are always great to be around. wish i would go through the experience soon enough in my life.

    Who am I? Xplore ME…

  14. My children are 3.5 and 2 years old. Seemed like i still have a long “gross” time with them, haha.

  15. RoseBelle Says:

    Kids have absolutely no concept of germs. My little one, 4 years old, would sometimes dabble her fingers in water and then eat her food after like working in the garden with me. I even showed her pictures of bacteria and viruses and told her they were monsters and those bad monsters will make you “ouiee” and make you have a “fevee” (fever). She knows what a fever is because anytime she gets too hot, she’d ask me to touch her forehead and if she has a “fevee”. You just gotta love it, such precious little things they are.

  16. JohnC Says:

    OMG! The entry brought back memories of clearing my daughter’s room out for my younger son months after a separation with their mom.

    Ended up doing a lot of work redirecting bad habits, but it paid off. Best memory though of my kids’ infancy…my son when he was an infant streaming in his grandmother’s mouth.

    For those that are patient come the little joys from above.

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