Life’s short…

Aging will not kick my ASS! February 24, 2008

Filed under: Bars,Beer,Humor,Life,Stupidity — mommy2five @ 12:38 pm
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So yesterday marked the joyous event of my 29th…oops…39th birthday. Thanks to my homegirl “T“, it was an extra special night of eating, drinking (duh), crawling through small spaces, and bowling fun! However, either I drank waaay too much or my age is getting the best of me. I don’t feel any “older” I just feel like shit.  You see it seems as though I never learn my lesson when it comes to knowing when too many is just too many. “T” and “M” went home around midnight last night (I think)…I…on the other hand, trotted my sorry behind down to meet up with Jen at the local shit watering hole to continue on with my birthday festivities…until 2:00 am. And let’s not stop there…why wouldn’t Jen and I go to the truck stop and have breakfast? I was already up and getting hungry and we haven’t really hung out alone for a long, long time so it was a good time for a quality chit chat catchup session and a bunch of giggling because we are really mature like that. I finally made it home around 3:45 am and that brings me to now…I am so tired. I don’t actually think that I drank that much considering the amount of time I was out, and I never really felt like I was seriously buzzing…so I am drawing the conclusion that maybe it is the serious lack of sleep my body is retaliating to…not so much the alcohol consumption factor. Let’s face it old people need a lot of sleep…right?

Hold on a second…too much coffee…I have to pee…

K…I am back…

I think that every birthday should be for two days…the first day is for the partying part and the second day is for the recovery part…sound fair? I thought you would see it my way. So for the rest of today I think I am going to lounge a little and then go meet up with “T” to chat it up over a cup of Starbucks and…try to regain my youth.

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Remnants of New Years Eve January 1, 2008

Filed under: Bars,Beer,Blogroll,Humor,Life — mommy2five @ 3:48 pm
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About the three o’clock post…so it took me approximately 30 minutes to write that gibberish below this post last night…I really had to focus on the first part to get it right…do you know how hard it is to type a letter and then a period and a letter and a period…I have a hard time with that even when I am stone cold sober. I vaguely remember doing the one finger at a time technique to get through that part then  after that I just typed…not sure quite what…I just typed. Honestly I had a really hard time comprehending what it was this morning even. 

I do have to tell you how totally awesome it is though that I can get up at noon and haul my ass down to my second home…aka…the hockey rink…and hook up to the internet on my rockin wireless laptop to communicate with my bloggy homies all the while watching my kid play…it’s so kickin’!!! You have no idea how much more I can accomplish and also how much easier it is on me to know that I am not just wasting away time down here…I can actually get something done now!!! Yeah!!!  I don’t think it’s possible for me to convey my true excitement…you just can’t possibly understand how truly excited I am…did I mention I was a little excited about my new laptop? 

I’ll quit babbling about my new laptop with the wireless connection…at the hockey rink…no really I will.

The current hangover status is…tolerable…at best…my daughter’s hockey team is hosting a tournament…I have been working down at this rink since Saturday a.m. running home in between things for a quick break here and there…we have ended each night with a few at the bar…last night was only different because it turned into a few too many…I will learn my limits someday… soon I hope.

Did I mention I have a laptop now?

 

mayebe tomorowrow

Filed under: Bars,Beer,Blogroll,Humor,Life,Stupidity — mommy2five @ 1:05 am
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OMG!!! I am soooo t.r.a.s.h.e.d!!! I well haveeeeeet o upd aytle tomorrow…cuzzican t type really well yet….yeas., soo maybe tomroorow. i will let you knew tomorrowo.

 

Crap and Corruption Continued… November 29, 2007

Filed under: Beer,Blogroll,Humor,Life,Parenting,Stupidity — mommy2five @ 8:25 am
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Ok, so I haven’t been too avid about posting lately…I will just say this…It’s my blog and I will write when I want to…sung to the tune “It’s My Party and I will Cry If I Want Too”  Well anyhoo…did you miss me?  Allow me fill you in on the last 9 days…

Wednesday the 21st was a lot like this topped off with a whole lot of this.  The night before Thanksgiving is a huge event in the town we live in.  It is a lot like a high school reunion thing where everyone crawls out of the woodwork to party and well…I guess…reunite…and drink…a lot.  I think we got home real, real late and were maybe sleeping by approximately 5:00am…come on, I can’t give you all of the details!  Got up at the crack of dawn (11:30am) on Turkey day…just in time to throw some stuffing in the turkster, and toss it the roaster for the day, but not until after we paraded him around naked doing the turkey dance…hey…the “Turkey Dance”…that’s a new one.  Cleaned, cleaned, cleaned, and threw in approximately 20 or so loads of laundry so my house could look somewhat presentable for my favorite peeps to arrive at 4:30pm.  Let the festivities begin…

We had a great night stuffing ourselves and playing games and I of course drank lots more beer to cure the leftover hangover (which worked well and I actually think I am going to utilize that theory more often) we proceeded to stay up until after 1:00am…again.  Normally my hubby and I would get into bed early on Thanksgiving night so we can get up at the butt crack of dawn to plow through the crowds of vicious shoppers trying to get that steal of a deal…needless to say…I wasn’t in the mood and neither was the hubby.  Instead we set the alarm for the butt crack of dawn (for real this time, 5:00am) rolled over in bed, grabbed the laptop and efficiently ordered up the one thing we wanted to get…online…rolled over and went back to sleep until noon.  AHHH the life! 

Saturday was more of this and Sunday followed with this

Monday was a slight bit different with the fact that I woke up to get ready for work and my face was slightly swollen…hmmm…I thought…actually it was more like…”Holy effing shit!!!  What the hell is that???”  It seams as though I was bitten by a giant tarantula while I slept…ok, so maybe it was just a plain old spider, but by the looks of my face you would have thought it was a giant tarantula…I did.  As the day went forward…it swelled to astronomical magnitudes…I.was.not.happy.  By the end of the night I felt and looked like someone had socked me in the cheek.  Well, maybe it wasn’t quite that bad…it felt like it.  I went to sleep thinking that by morning it would subside a bit…not.  I woke up on Tuesday and looked just as bad as it did the day before…nice.  The rest of Tuesday went a bit like this, only mixed in with the fact that we were at the hockey rink from 3:00 pm until 10:30 pm because all three of the hockey playing kids had hockey…one.right.after.the.other…and Kate played two games…in.a.row.  Uuughh.  Iamsosickofhockey. 

On a much happier note…my little angel Madison was watching me apply my makeup this morning…lots of makeup…I was trying to hide the tarantula bite…which now actually just looks a lot like a giant zit…which I can almost live with…and she said “Mommy, why do you put that stuff on your face, you are pretty without it”  She melts me…and also…I love her. 

Well, that should about wrap it up…I am off to go shopping with my favorite bud eva!!!  Have a great day!!!

 

My Life is full of CRAP and CORRUPTION!!! November 20, 2007

Monday, 6:45 am the alarm goes off, husband hits snooze…

6:55 am, the alarm goes off, husband hits snooze…

7:05 am, the alarm goes off, husband hits snooze, at which point I say…”Are you going to get in the shower?  I have to get in there, I have to go to work today”…

7:10am, I get in the shower because he didn’t…now running behind schedule, I shower get dressed, do my hair and proceed to get Madison clothes from her room…trip…fall…and cuss…alot.  Her room is a damn disaster and there is no where to place your feet without stepping on miscellaneous small and pokey sharp little teeny tiny pieces of Brats dolls, Sweet Streets, Princess crap, and at least a gagillion bucket loads worth of fricken video game paraphernalia.  In the midst of this mess is not one single pair of clean pants…anywhere…proceed with mini melt down followed by a very well displayed temper tantrum out of a 38, umm, I mean 28 year old grown up ( I am sure you all would have been proud)!   The disaster that was there turned into a complete catastrophe in a matter of 5.2 seconds.

7:50 am temper tantrum almost over with, Madison is dressed and ready to proceed out the door to school by 8:06 am and I am now also late getting out the door to get to work.

Eff-ing traffic is backed up for no.apparent.good.effing.reason.damn.it.

8:35 am…Arrive at work.  Apparently the last day worked by someone else, was too hard on said someone else and they didn’t get the prep work done for Monday before they left at 4:15 pm on Friday, (what the hell did you do all day?)  I can get the whole days work and the prep done before 2:00 pm on everyday that I am there and then some…I.just.don’t.get.it.moron.  I Luckily escape serious injury for the day, ei, no papercuts or staple stabs, although I didn’t get time to practice my left handed paperclipping, I did manage to finish ALL of my work and prep for the someone elses for today before 3:00 pm.

2:45 pm…Hubby calls…he wants to know if I want to go to JP’S for dinner and a few drinks?  Well hell yeah!  I am going to need it by the time today gets over with!  I AM IN!!!

3:05…phone rings again…daughter number two calling to ask to go to a friends house after school until she has to go to hockey…I respond…HELL NO!!! Have you seen the freakin house?  No one is going anywhere until that shit is cleaned up, I am totally sick of looking at the messes and dishes and the laundry and the crap and corruption that has taken over our abode and it is going to get cleaned up TODAY!  I proceed with my rant for a good long time and said basically the same crap I say to everyone in this house everyday.  I.AM.ONLY.ONE.EFFING.PERSON.AND.I.CAN’T.DO.ALL.OF.THIS.SHIT.MYSELF.  I swear they are all in on a conspiracy to drive me to the insane asylum.  Hang up phone and proceed to drive home.

3:15 pm…Phone rings again…daughter number two again, “Dave called” (her hockey coach)…”he wants me to go to Varsity and JV practice…he is picking me up in a couple of minutes…my stick is in your truck”…

3:20 pm…Haul ass to hockey rink…drop off stick…come home to pick up son (kid number 4)…bring him to the rink…tie his skates…proceed home…

4:55 pm…assess the disaster at home briefly…turn around and get back into the truck to go back to the rink once again to pick up daughter number two.

5:10 pm…daughter number three calls…”I NEED some Chex cereal, brown sugar, and Karo syrup, for a school project…can you get that for me?” What the hell?  Why would you need that now?  And I suppose this is due tomorrow?  Damn it!  and also…NO! 

5:25 pm…thought I would try to relax at the rink until 5:40 at which point daughter number two is done with practice…I was wrong…so wrong…a hockey board member (name withheld) approaches me and says she needs my sons birth certificate…now.

5:27 pm…hop in lightning fast Lincoln press the “invisible from police officers” shield and proceed through the streets of town heading for home again at approximately five gagillion miles per hour to scan, and print sons birth certificate…

5:40 pm back at the rink…beeyotch is gone…but look!  Hubby has arrived!  Receive rather big hug from hubby and as I am hoping that all things are better now, he says…”I don’t think we are going to make it to JP’s on time for dinner”…I respond with…”WHAT!  That was all that was getting me through this day!  What are you doing to me?”

5:45 pm…daughter number two emerges from the locker room smelling like a dead and rotting carcass and says she needs me to bring her to Taylor’s to do a project…Taylor goes to school in our town but doesn’t dwell here, it is a very long drive to Taylor’s house and it is a school night and daughter number three has a band concert at 6:45 pm.  And hell to the no…I am not driving you to Taylor’s, do your project alone at our house and next time pick a partner that lives by us…DUH!…Now SHE need ingredients.  Proceed to grocery store to buy…Chex cereal, brown sugar, Karo syrup, cream cheese, graham crackers, semi sweet morsel, vanilla…

6:05 pm…return home…drive daughter number three to school for band concert…realize we forgot the damn graham crackers.

6:15 pm…call Dad have him pick up some graham crackers.

6:47 pm…Dad and I arrive at the band concert…we listen to the horrible harmonious band concert

7:15 pm…arrive home once again…call JP…GREAT NEWS…they haven’t started eating yet!  Hop back in car and fly to JP’s where we were served a fabulous meal and drank six a few beers talked and then finished up the night with a few really, really, fun rounds of Beer Pong.  Don’t worry, I didn’t know what it was either…but I do now…and it’s a blast!   

12:05 am…arrive home to this…

12:15 am…write this…

Am I still in the running for Mother of the year?  You can just drop my trophy in the mail and ship to: 

555 I have lost my frickin’ marbles

Insane Asylum MN, 55555  USA

PS  Does anyone have any Diazepam???

                                                                                             

 

It’s all coming back to me now! November 12, 2007

Filed under: Bars,Beer,Blogroll,Humor,Life,Stupidity,Therapy — mommy2five @ 2:50 pm
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I was thinking about all the topics that I am going to write about on here someday…but…I started to remember some of the incidents and happenings of Saturday night so I thought I might share some of them instead.  Although sorry to disappoint, I will not be telling you in traditional story format, because that is just getting old. 

I remembered that with in the first 10 minutes of being in the bar the words “I am soooo BLOGGING that!” shot out of my mouth…can’t remember however what it was that I was going to blog…just that I was SOOOOO gonna do it.

I remembered taking a whole bunch of pictures of Jennie with Terri and Terri with Jennie, and also Jennie with Dwayne…or was it Dwight?  Jennie with Mark, Mark with Dan, Terri with DJ Dawg (He was officially named Homie DJ Dawg, compliments of Terri and I today, because he whined that he didn’t have a “Homie” name and wanted one), my beer…DUH…cuz I almost always take at least one picture of my beer, (funny how every weekend it looks the same as the last) Terri’s butt, Jennie’s butt, me in the mirror in the bathroom (whoaaa! Can you say flash reflection?)…oh yeah, and then the pictures of us throwing popcorn in Jennie’s hoodie hood, cuz she was “drunk” and wouldn’t remember it in the morning…the unibomber (he had his hood on his head in the bar the entire night…freak) Mark and Jennie again, Dan doing really disgusting things…it involved a tongue and some fingers, me, (man I look really drunk in that one) and finally…my cell phone, (which was actually a text message that was being sent to my lovely birthday boy hubby type that didn’t show up to the bar to party with us for his birthday) the message read, “Fan thinks I got a boo job!”, translation “Dan thinks I got a boob job”…I didn’t.

The night was definitely filled with more “I am soooo gonna blog that!”  But I can’t remember any of the said instances…except for the one about the Rod Lebster…it took me awhile but I finally remembered why I said that, here goes…there was this scrubby looking fellow talking to Jennie, and Terri asked me who he was and why was he talking to her…I replied with…”Oh I think she knows him from the Rod Lebster”…sparking yet another huge bout of laughter from Terri and me and then I said “That’s so mine!  I am so gonna blog that one, you can’t take it from me!!  I totally have to write that down so I don’t forget it.”…somehow it is not nearly as funny as I am typing this.  

I for one did a whole lot of really horrible singing, I will not speak for anyone else…I was for sure beyond drunk…it was definitely not my best night of performances.  The “Trio” for sure tried to sing the Pussy Cat Dolls…again…Jennie.we.so.can’t.sing.that.song.  I do remember at one point somebody and me dancing out on the patio…badly…and no, I did not take off any articles of clothing…I just meant I also cannot dance and somehow it always looks sort of bad and naughty…I don’t try.  I am pretty sure the “Lawn Mower” the “Sprinkler” and “Grocery Shopping” are not real dances…and the “Spanky Spank” also does not qualify…you be the judge.

I just now remembered that I was making faces from the patio into the bar involving my nostrils and fat lips on the glass.oh.dear.God.what.have.I.done?  I better stop now…I am pretty sure I don’t want to remember anything else at this point, I think it may be wise for me to see a shrink.  Does anyone know one that does not have the initials MGD?

That’s it, besides the fact that we stopped at another bar on the way home…we aren’t even going there…I managed to pass out in my bed without…puking…it was a “chunk free” evening…therefore it must have been good evening…right?

 

Wow…I am so lazy… November 11, 2007

Filed under: Bars,Beer,Blogroll,Boredom,Humor,Life,Stupidity — mommy2five @ 11:07 am
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Ok, so you’re going to laugh…I think…last night, “D” and “J” picked me up because “T2” was tired and jet lagged from the week in Altanta (which I sorta didn’t tell you all because I was creeped out about telling the internet he was gone for a week and I was home here with five kids by myself and all) so he was taking a little nap and then meeting us all up at Pep’s later.  It was his B-day on Wednesday but he was out of town so we didn’t celebrate it and it is someone else’s B-day today, hence most of the reason why “the crew” was going out to begin with.  So, I had every intention of sitting down at the computer today and writing some fantastic version of last night events…

Well…I am really tired…not hungover, just really, really tired…lazy…and also…the only thing I can remember right now is that at some point during a conversation with “T“, I said Rod Lebster…I only know this because there was a napkin in my pocket that said “I said Rod Lebster”.

Oh, also, I think I found the Unibomber…see…shhhh…he doesn’t know I caugh him on camera…I am so sly like that…

PS “T2” never did get his ass out of bed…we totally celebrated with out him…and also, everybody give a big shout out to “T“, as she turns 29 today!!!