Life’s short…

Language barrier no longer… March 3, 2008

Filed under: Boredom,Humor,Life,Parenting — mommy2five @ 1:04 pm
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I think I am getting the hang of this new kind of slang gangsta talkity speak…

I thought a brick was something bricklayers used to make buildings, and houses, and shit, turns out it means that it is “cold”…as in “Turn up the heat, it’s brick in here!” I also thought “biscuits” were something you ate…it now means your shoes are old and dirty, however not to be mistaken for “kicks” which are shiny new shoes.

“Bling” is no longer a sound effect(not to be mistaken for affect) but rather shiny gold jewelry…but on the flip side of that we now wear “ice” which are diamonds instead of putting it in a glass of soda and such. “I am going to jam”…make an exit…not, have jam…on my toast.

We use to cook on the grill now a “grill” is your teeth, with or without braces, some people even purchase new “grills” made out of “bling” and or “ice”…sweet! which actually used to mean something tasted as such but now means that is really cool not to be mistaken as cold because that would be “brick” and not so much awesome!…

If you are “baggin'” you are actually out prowling for a “piece of ass”…not a donkey…and also…not putting your groceries in a bag at the grocery store. “Bangin'” is not what you do on a door anymore but rather what you do with the “Betty” (Betty=hot chick) you “scored” when you were out “baggin”.

If somebody tells you you are a “beast” at something…don’t take offense…it means you are really good at what you are doing…not that you are ugly. Want some extra “cheddar”? You should…I do…it now means money…not a type of cheese.

“Easy” doesn’t mean something is easy to do…or someone is “easy” like we use to say…you now utilize it to mean “I’ll see you later…good bye!”

You’ll be singing a new song with this…Do-re-mi-fa-so-la-la…”la la” is actually marijuana, as well as, “leaf”, “lye”, “piff”, “tree”, and “spliff”.

“Sick” is a good thing as well as “ill”…”weak” is a bad thing…a “whip” is a car…and “word” means “that’s right!”

To “twist” interestingly enough means to have sex not to be confused with being “twisted”…then you are just really drunk or stoned…nothing to do with the original meaning of the word…being tangled!

Anyway I gotta jet…so catch you on the D-L…until then…I will just be chillaxin with my goons on my ba dink a dink…not to be mistaken for ba donk a donk…Easy!

P.S. A “ba dink a dink” is a small skinny chicks butt…whereas a “ba donk a donk” is an…umm…well….you know.

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Help!!! I have fallen and I can’t get up!! November 14, 2007

There are somedays where I truly think I could possibly be “special”, not special in the way of “people think I am a special person” but more like the “she should be wearing a hockey helmet” type of special.  Yesterday for example I figured out there is no possible way I can attatch a paperclip to a stack of papers with my left hand…yes…I tried…for.a.good.long.time.  It just wasn’t happening, don’t tell my boss I wasted that much time trying to accomplish such a feat on the company’s dime…please?

Today I set out to try to find a way to design and host my own blog (mainly because I can’t do some certain things on this certain blog host site) and I actually thought I could accomplish this…by.myself.  I spent entirely too much time doing this and also google searching free blog templates that aren’t actually free and then I got sucked into looking at them all anyway…what.a.waste.of.time.  I have tried to use Dreamweaver,  Web easy (easy my ass),  and Go Live…only to figure out that it takes a rocket scientist to work these programs and I am currently only at rocket investigator status.  I have been working on Adobe Photoshop for at least 9 years, which I know is a photo editor, but if I can work every stinking tool on that gosh forsaken program with my eyes closed…why the H-E-double hockey sticks can’t I figure out these stupid web design programs…also…I.am.impatient.

So does anyone have any bright ideas for me before I lose what is left of my ever.lovin’.mind?  Maybe someone knows of a program that I can buy that would be “easy for real” to learn?  Maybe?  I do already own a domain for my photography business site (don’t go there, I still haven’t figured that out one either, I took down the old stuff so I could put up the really awesome cool new one…also.not.happening.) I know I can have like eight gagillion subsites with that, I just don’t know how to put together all of the css.html.rss.meta.lingo.crap.my.head.is.spinning…help!

PS.  Oh yeah…am I asking too much? 

And no…I haven’t been drinking either.

 

Wow…I am so lazy… November 11, 2007

Filed under: Bars,Beer,Blogroll,Boredom,Humor,Life,Stupidity — mommy2five @ 11:07 am
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Ok, so you’re going to laugh…I think…last night, “D” and “J” picked me up because “T2” was tired and jet lagged from the week in Altanta (which I sorta didn’t tell you all because I was creeped out about telling the internet he was gone for a week and I was home here with five kids by myself and all) so he was taking a little nap and then meeting us all up at Pep’s later.  It was his B-day on Wednesday but he was out of town so we didn’t celebrate it and it is someone else’s B-day today, hence most of the reason why “the crew” was going out to begin with.  So, I had every intention of sitting down at the computer today and writing some fantastic version of last night events…

Well…I am really tired…not hungover, just really, really tired…lazy…and also…the only thing I can remember right now is that at some point during a conversation with “T“, I said Rod Lebster…I only know this because there was a napkin in my pocket that said “I said Rod Lebster”.

Oh, also, I think I found the Unibomber…see…shhhh…he doesn’t know I caugh him on camera…I am so sly like that…

PS “T2” never did get his ass out of bed…we totally celebrated with out him…and also, everybody give a big shout out to “T“, as she turns 29 today!!!

 

“The Halloween Story” October 28, 2007

 

 

The Great Halloween story…Sequel to…”Possibly another drunken story”

Our story starts out at the home of “T2” and “G”…

The excitement of this night has been mounting all week, everyone one is giddy with happiness, the beers were maybe partly to blame for the mood.

Homies “T2”, “G”, “M”, “T”, (he, he, get it…m, t,…you know…empty…lol) “D”, and “J”, get together at “T2” and “G”’s to the start off the evening.  They had decided to do some pregaming while getting their costumes together, there is much laughter as “T2” and “G”’s daughter’s “K”, and “K2”, apply “T2”, “M”, and “D”’s makeup.

After they finish, the group is ready to snap a few pics, this proves to be one of the highlights of the night.  With the guys being sort of rambunctious in costume, they ran around squeezing each other’s well stuffed braziers, striking poses, making sexy lips faces to each other (a particular fav of “D”’s), pinching butt cheeks and saying things they thought apparently sounded like something real women have said at some point in their lives.

The hired ride arrives, off to the bar the 3 couples go…

Upon arrival the Seventies Charlie Angels get an impressive rise out of the crowd at the bar.  It was a total riot!  The Hot Charlies Angels, while hot and all, didn’t get as much of a reaction, ( in fact…none)but they were ok with that.  Being the good sports that they are, they just kicked back with theirs beers and let their guy/girls have their fun.

As the night progressed much mingling, singing, flirting with all the Angels, boob squeezing, and butt slapping, may have occurred…everyone was enjoying themselves immensely.  Free shots for anyone in costume?  What?  Where? Who came up with that stupid idea…just say no “G”…just say no.  ”G” listens and declineds the free shots as did most of the group…just not “J”…rumor has it…she may have had two!  Which might explain some of this…

and maybe this…

ehem…yet I have know idea why this might have happened???

or this?

Or any of this…

“J” is such naughty girl…isn’t she?

OH MY!!!

So any hoo…these three clowns Charlies Angels…win third prize!!!

Last call is announced, the limo arrives to pick up the crew, a night of fun has come to an end, but never fear, the “three” got a beer tab for winning third, so you know what that means…a sequel to the Halloween Party Night!

 

The end…

Photo Credits:

“T2”, “G”, “T”, and also some random people in the bar…

There’s more stuff over here at “T”‘s…if you are interested

 

Perfectly Hap0py Girl! October 27, 2007

Filed under: Bars,Beer,Blogroll,Boredom,Humor,Life,Stupidity,Therapy,Uncategorized — mommy2five @ 11:06 pm
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Perfectly happy drunk gierl here posting at 2 am…

I thingk i have to pee…

and the dog might have to take a crap…

and also…we hard lotsa fun!!!

and also I can’t cseem to finddr the right keys on the deyboard.

Did i mentoin we had lots of fuN?

Sooo.,… maybea i will post something coharent tomorrow…

 

Just teasing! October 26, 2007

Filed under: Bars,Beer,Blogroll,Boredom,Humor,Life,Stupidity,Uncategorized — mommy2five @ 10:04 am
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Oooohhhh, I am sooo excited for the weekend I could poop!  No silly/ies/ I can’t tell you…this was just a teaser…cuz I totally rock like that!

 

Possibly another Drunken story… October 23, 2007

Filed under: Bars,Beer,Blogroll,Boredom,Humor,Life,Stupidity,Therapy,Uncategorized — mommy2five @ 9:15 am
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This is a mostly fictitious story possibly based on somewhat actual events that may or may not have occurred on Saturday night…the characters names have been changed to conceal their identities…um…nevermind the photo’s…

(No photo of “T2” is available at this time)

Three amigos, Homie “G”, Homie “T”, and “T2”, set out for a night of fun, the plan was to meet up with a group of other friends at a quaint little place for a few rounds of drinks and some bad um awesome singing, when late in the afternoon it seemed as though the group of others would not be able to make it out.  Oh NO!  Plans had been foiled and Homie “G” was feeling a bit like the night was going to be a flop.  Homie “T”, however, still optimistic that a night of fun was still ahead.  So after much deliberation, the three set out to the quaint little place anyway. 

Upon arriving, their favorite high top was empty and calling their names, they got seated and ordered up a bucket of beer.  The high top next to theirs was occupied by another group of three amigos, how ironic?  We will call them Pink, Brown, and Big “R”.  Homie “G” addresses the group at the other high top, because she is bold like that.  It appeared as though it was Pinks birthday and the three of them were there to celebrate, Pink was already close to three sheets and was an absolute blast!  Brown a little quieter but still a fun girl was well on her way also, Big R seemed to be the instigator in why the two girls were already toast at 9:30 in the evening. 

Soon the two high tops became one, and the two groups of three became a group of six, new friendships had been formed!

“T”, “G”, Pink and Brown continue to tear the place up with lots of horrific, I mean ROCKSTAR singing, and laughter, as Big R and “T2” look fondly upon their chicks.  The night was going fairly smoothly at this point and Big R decides to order up a round of Blow Jobs for the group.  “G” being a beer only kinda gal, hesitantly slams her Blow Job all the while proclaiming her blatant dislike of hard liquor because she knows she will pay severely for it later, and BTW…it tasted like heaven. 

As the evening turned into the wee hours of the morning…1:00am, the bar owners decide to kick them all out…no, I don’t know why…it’s not like the six amigos were out of control or anything…anyway, after the exchange of phone numbers and emails, and lots of hugs kisses and “I love you’s”, cuz you know when you are that drunk, you will hug anyone near you, and friendships that were formed at a bar in 3.5hours “are” for life and you suddenly love these people and you will miss them dearly for sure.  Pink, Brown, and Big R, stumble across the parking lot to the hotel they were staying, and “G”, “T”, and “T2”, get in their motor vehicle to drive home (fortunately “T2” was sober to drive), “T2” and “G” arrive in “T’s” driveway to drop her off and proceed home.

Approximately 1 mile later…“G” says…

“I don’t…BLAAAHHEECCH…I don’t feel so good…hmmm…that strangely tasted like a Blow Job”…no, silly not that kind…the one “G” drank…nevermind

Hey, did you know it is totally un cool to blow chow all over a Lincoln Navigator?  Neither did “G” until Saturday night!

The end

 Stay tuned for the sequel…The Halloween Story, where “T”, “G”, “T2”, and a new character (to be announced) will be playing out their roles in an adventure taking place at Roddy’s, a little shit hole bar in…oh forget it…just stay tuned!