Life’s short…

WOW I am SO Stoked! January 12, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — mommy2five @ 4:51 pm
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Why haven’t I written? Well, I guess I keep telling myself it is better to put quality words down or nothing at all and if I…A…don’t have time…or B…can’t think straight enough to make sense…then I probably…C…shouldn’t write (never mind the 3:00 am posts…they don’t figure  into this type of logic and could happen at anytime without my actual control).  I have had a ton of things on my mind that have really clouded my rational thinking. My mind always races anyway but somehow now it is worse than ever. Really it has always been that way for me…I am incredibly analytical, always have been, to the point that it even stops me from even getting solid sleep…I mean I sleep…I just don’t actually sleep.  Then I get these really strange tension type headaches that don’t actually hurt they just bother me. When that starts to happen I know that I have to focus harder on trying not to think…about anything. I know…I am weird…you don’t have to tell me.

Does anyone remember when I started this whole thing? I do. My life was simpler…I had five kids all in different activities all of the time and all I did was run around with them, clean the house, do the shopping, the laundry, and run my small but somewhat still busy enough photography business…for the most part. I kept telling myself that I really needed  to start focusing on not being so busy…not having so much to do…learning how to relax was a big thing for me…I don’t relax…ever. I had actually pledged to myself back in September that since the kids were back in school…all full time…I would capitalize on the time by myself during the day and focus on catching up things I had been meaning to do for like ever and start the process of finding ways to relax me…both mentally and physically.

Then one day…my niece called me and asked if I wanted to go to a data entry seminar to work from home. I honestly have to tell you I thought it was a total scam and that there was no possible way that this was for “real”. I was very skeptical, but went to the seminar anyway. Since everything checked out with the company and I felt somewhat secure that it was not a scam I signed up with them to start doing data entry on-line from home at my leisure.  Perfect right? I could work…A…when I wanted to and…B…if I wanted to…from home. Three days after I got my passwords to begin the work at home process the guy that runs the “at home” department of the company called and asked if I could come into the office. I said I could and by the end of the day…I had a job! Part time…but a job nonetheless…for the first time in 18 years.

Well…that was the day my life took an incredible turn…in a direction…I am still not sure which direction…I think I am dizzy…but am definitely going in a direction….spinning really…yeah…really dizzy.

Here is a list of things I think about daily(and in most cases nightly…and also yes…while I “sleep”)…

~How is it that people with terrible work ethics can manage to get paid lots of money per hour to work harder at doing less work than just doing the work that needs to be done in an efficient manner?

~Why are some people just incapable of doing a good job…even if it’s just removing a friggin’ staple from a friggin’ piece of paper?

~What the hell takes some people 30 minutes longer to drive from point A to point B and back than the same drive takes other people?

~When all there is about a job is just to come in and do it…no managing, no worrying, no nothing, just do the job…what the hell is so stressful about it?

~Why do some people complain obsessively about nothing?

~If your boss asks you to dress for success because there are clients coming in and they would like everyone to look professional for that particular day…what the heck?  Just do it! You don’t have to dress up the rest of the friggin’ time what is the problem? And just an FYI for you…black jeans DO NOT qualify as dress pants…and no…I don’t care if they are new or not.

~Wow! Do the owners know that if you have approximately 1.5 hours worth of work to do you can manage to make it last for at least 4 hours just so you can draw a bigger paycheck…I am still thinking that there is some sort of talent involoved in this technique.  And just another FYI for ya, that is in my humble opinion…STEALING!

~When you get to work at 8:30 am and you know you have to leave at 11:30 am to go do the point A to point B and back thing (remember that point A to point B thing that takes you an extra half hour longer than it should? You could totally smoke like three extra heaters on that run)…one cigarette break in three hours is not in my opinion necessary and two is completely out of the friggin’ question…geeze.

~OH MY GAWD!!! They totally are giving me the new supervisor position at the new place we are moving to in like 2 weeks or less and you two “been there for five whole months longer than me superdy duperdy lllaaazzzyyy ass pieces of crap” are going to have to start following my rules or get out and oh my gawd I could pee myself (except that would be gross and stuff and you know how I don’t like germs and stuff) and OH.MY.GAWD.THEY.ARE.MAKING.ME.THE.NEW.SUPERVISOR!!! and also I think they said something about paying me more money or something but everything went kinda foggy after the whole “You’re going to be the new supervisor” thing and all.

~Oh my gosh I have to check the hockey schedule in the morning…don’t forget to check the hockey schedule in the morning. (This one runs through my head way too much.)

So you see…my head is full of all kinds of stuff and I have had a ton of things on my mind mostly because I didn’t know if the big guys at work knew or not what was going on in our little office away from the big office. The whole thing about people with poor work ethics has always bothered me even before I had a real job and had to deal with it first hand. I am not very tolerable of people who think that someone always owes them something. That mentality makes me crazy and that is what these two coworkers of mine are like. Don’t even worry about the fact that they work as little as possible to get as much money as possible and then think that they deserve some sort of recognition for it. The one actually thinks that she is already my boss and I think she is certain she is going to be offered the supervisor position and won’t she be surprised when she finds out that that is sooo far from reality…I so can’t wait. I just found all of this out on Thursday and they haven’t exactly told these other two yahoos yet and I so hope they tell them when I am not there and it would be really rockstar if they would just get really angry and quit cuz that would be best I think…for all of us involved…especially me.

Well, anyhow…my hubby is waiting very patiently for me to go get ready to go out on our date and I am not exactly ready yet…so I guess I have to go now…

PS I don’t have time to proofread and really shouldn’t hit publish but I am going to anyway because I don’t want to get yelled at anymore for not posting and also…geeze I hope I made some sort of sense?

No Terri…we haven’t been using my new laptop for that…yet.


Remnants of New Years Eve January 1, 2008

Filed under: Bars,Beer,Blogroll,Humor,Life — mommy2five @ 3:48 pm
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About the three o’clock post…so it took me approximately 30 minutes to write that gibberish below this post last night…I really had to focus on the first part to get it right…do you know how hard it is to type a letter and then a period and a letter and a period…I have a hard time with that even when I am stone cold sober. I vaguely remember doing the one finger at a time technique to get through that part then  after that I just typed…not sure quite what…I just typed. Honestly I had a really hard time comprehending what it was this morning even. 

I do have to tell you how totally awesome it is though that I can get up at noon and haul my ass down to my second home…aka…the hockey rink…and hook up to the internet on my rockin wireless laptop to communicate with my bloggy homies all the while watching my kid play…it’s so kickin’!!! You have no idea how much more I can accomplish and also how much easier it is on me to know that I am not just wasting away time down here…I can actually get something done now!!! Yeah!!!  I don’t think it’s possible for me to convey my true excitement…you just can’t possibly understand how truly excited I am…did I mention I was a little excited about my new laptop? 

I’ll quit babbling about my new laptop with the wireless connection…at the hockey rink…no really I will.

The current hangover status is…tolerable…at best…my daughter’s hockey team is hosting a tournament…I have been working down at this rink since Saturday a.m. running home in between things for a quick break here and there…we have ended each night with a few at the bar…last night was only different because it turned into a few too many…I will learn my limits someday… soon I hope.

Did I mention I have a laptop now?


mayebe tomorowrow

Filed under: Bars,Beer,Blogroll,Humor,Life,Stupidity — mommy2five @ 1:05 am
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OMG!!! I am soooo t.r.a.s.h.e.d!!! I well haveeeeeet o upd aytle tomorrow…cuzzican t type really well yet….yeas., soo maybe tomroorow. i will let you knew tomorrowo.


A safe and happy return… December 30, 2007

Filed under: Humor,Life,Parenting,Therapy — mommy2five @ 6:15 pm
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Whew! I made it back safe and sound…I think…now I just wish those silly aliens had put my house back together before returning me. I mean geeze, that’s the least they could do right? Ok…so I am totally kidding…I wasn’t really lifted by aliens…but I am guessing you already knew that. Christmas, hockey, work, shopping, hockey…I was so totally overwhelmed with everything, I couldn’t stand the thought of having one more thing to do each day…plus the fact that I would have to go sit down at my desk in my office to write and it just wasn’t convienient. I have however solved this issue…

My awesome new boss’ at the company I work for not only threw this totally rockin’ holiday party but they also gave moi…a holiday bonus…obviously because I have given them a total of two solid months of gruelling blood sweat and tears work…so…I totally bought a laptop and now I can write my blog and read all of my favorite blog friend blogs…in bed…all warm…and fuzzy…Yeah! 

There were so many times I had wished I had a laptop because I actually had something to write about but I was just too tiredand lazy to make the effort to go downstairs and sit in my office to write. Often when I finally got the time it was late (9:30pm officially qualifies as “past my bedtime”) and I knew if I went to write in my office I would never get off of the internet and I would stay up way too late and then suffer for several days from the one stupid night of lack of sleep. I like to save lack of sleep days for when I get really stupid…go out…drink too much…and stay up too late…because then at least I had a lot of fun and it was totally worth it.

Well, anyhow I am back now…hopefully to stay this time…I told the aliens I would have to have a longer and much more relaxing stay next time they decided to take me away so…I don’t think they will be messing with me again…


The Aliens have invaded December 18, 2007

Filed under: Blogroll,Humor,Life — mommy2five @ 11:30 am
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Greetings Earthlings,

 I have been abducted by aliens…there is talk about returning me sometime after Christmas….


Crap and Corruption Continued… November 29, 2007

Filed under: Beer,Blogroll,Humor,Life,Parenting,Stupidity — mommy2five @ 8:25 am
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Ok, so I haven’t been too avid about posting lately…I will just say this…It’s my blog and I will write when I want to…sung to the tune “It’s My Party and I will Cry If I Want Too”  Well anyhoo…did you miss me?  Allow me fill you in on the last 9 days…

Wednesday the 21st was a lot like this topped off with a whole lot of this.  The night before Thanksgiving is a huge event in the town we live in.  It is a lot like a high school reunion thing where everyone crawls out of the woodwork to party and well…I guess…reunite…and drink…a lot.  I think we got home real, real late and were maybe sleeping by approximately 5:00am…come on, I can’t give you all of the details!  Got up at the crack of dawn (11:30am) on Turkey day…just in time to throw some stuffing in the turkster, and toss it the roaster for the day, but not until after we paraded him around naked doing the turkey dance…hey…the “Turkey Dance”…that’s a new one.  Cleaned, cleaned, cleaned, and threw in approximately 20 or so loads of laundry so my house could look somewhat presentable for my favorite peeps to arrive at 4:30pm.  Let the festivities begin…

We had a great night stuffing ourselves and playing games and I of course drank lots more beer to cure the leftover hangover (which worked well and I actually think I am going to utilize that theory more often) we proceeded to stay up until after 1:00am…again.  Normally my hubby and I would get into bed early on Thanksgiving night so we can get up at the butt crack of dawn to plow through the crowds of vicious shoppers trying to get that steal of a deal…needless to say…I wasn’t in the mood and neither was the hubby.  Instead we set the alarm for the butt crack of dawn (for real this time, 5:00am) rolled over in bed, grabbed the laptop and efficiently ordered up the one thing we wanted to get…online…rolled over and went back to sleep until noon.  AHHH the life! 

Saturday was more of this and Sunday followed with this

Monday was a slight bit different with the fact that I woke up to get ready for work and my face was slightly swollen…hmmm…I thought…actually it was more like…”Holy effing shit!!!  What the hell is that???”  It seams as though I was bitten by a giant tarantula while I slept…ok, so maybe it was just a plain old spider, but by the looks of my face you would have thought it was a giant tarantula…I did.  As the day went forward…it swelled to astronomical magnitudes…I.was.not.happy.  By the end of the night I felt and looked like someone had socked me in the cheek.  Well, maybe it wasn’t quite that bad…it felt like it.  I went to sleep thinking that by morning it would subside a bit…not.  I woke up on Tuesday and looked just as bad as it did the day before…nice.  The rest of Tuesday went a bit like this, only mixed in with the fact that we were at the hockey rink from 3:00 pm until 10:30 pm because all three of the hockey playing kids had hockey…one.right.after.the.other…and Kate played two games…in.a.row.  Uuughh.  Iamsosickofhockey. 

On a much happier note…my little angel Madison was watching me apply my makeup this morning…lots of makeup…I was trying to hide the tarantula bite…which now actually just looks a lot like a giant zit…which I can almost live with…and she said “Mommy, why do you put that stuff on your face, you are pretty without it”  She melts me…and also…I love her. 

Well, that should about wrap it up…I am off to go shopping with my favorite bud eva!!!  Have a great day!!!


My Life is full of CRAP and CORRUPTION!!! November 20, 2007

Monday, 6:45 am the alarm goes off, husband hits snooze…

6:55 am, the alarm goes off, husband hits snooze…

7:05 am, the alarm goes off, husband hits snooze, at which point I say…”Are you going to get in the shower?  I have to get in there, I have to go to work today”…

7:10am, I get in the shower because he didn’t…now running behind schedule, I shower get dressed, do my hair and proceed to get Madison clothes from her room…trip…fall…and cuss…alot.  Her room is a damn disaster and there is no where to place your feet without stepping on miscellaneous small and pokey sharp little teeny tiny pieces of Brats dolls, Sweet Streets, Princess crap, and at least a gagillion bucket loads worth of fricken video game paraphernalia.  In the midst of this mess is not one single pair of clean pants…anywhere…proceed with mini melt down followed by a very well displayed temper tantrum out of a 38, umm, I mean 28 year old grown up ( I am sure you all would have been proud)!   The disaster that was there turned into a complete catastrophe in a matter of 5.2 seconds.

7:50 am temper tantrum almost over with, Madison is dressed and ready to proceed out the door to school by 8:06 am and I am now also late getting out the door to get to work.

Eff-ing traffic is backed up for

8:35 am…Arrive at work.  Apparently the last day worked by someone else, was too hard on said someone else and they didn’t get the prep work done for Monday before they left at 4:15 pm on Friday, (what the hell did you do all day?)  I can get the whole days work and the prep done before 2:00 pm on everyday that I am there and then some…I.just.don’  I Luckily escape serious injury for the day, ei, no papercuts or staple stabs, although I didn’t get time to practice my left handed paperclipping, I did manage to finish ALL of my work and prep for the someone elses for today before 3:00 pm.

2:45 pm…Hubby calls…he wants to know if I want to go to JP’S for dinner and a few drinks?  Well hell yeah!  I am going to need it by the time today gets over with!  I AM IN!!!

3:05…phone rings again…daughter number two calling to ask to go to a friends house after school until she has to go to hockey…I respond…HELL NO!!! Have you seen the freakin house?  No one is going anywhere until that shit is cleaned up, I am totally sick of looking at the messes and dishes and the laundry and the crap and corruption that has taken over our abode and it is going to get cleaned up TODAY!  I proceed with my rant for a good long time and said basically the same crap I say to everyone in this house everyday.  I.AM.ONLY.ONE.EFFING.PERSON.AND.I.CAN’T.DO.ALL.OF.THIS.SHIT.MYSELF.  I swear they are all in on a conspiracy to drive me to the insane asylum.  Hang up phone and proceed to drive home.

3:15 pm…Phone rings again…daughter number two again, “Dave called” (her hockey coach)…”he wants me to go to Varsity and JV practice…he is picking me up in a couple of minutes…my stick is in your truck”…

3:20 pm…Haul ass to hockey rink…drop off stick…come home to pick up son (kid number 4)…bring him to the rink…tie his skates…proceed home…

4:55 pm…assess the disaster at home briefly…turn around and get back into the truck to go back to the rink once again to pick up daughter number two.

5:10 pm…daughter number three calls…”I NEED some Chex cereal, brown sugar, and Karo syrup, for a school project…can you get that for me?” What the hell?  Why would you need that now?  And I suppose this is due tomorrow?  Damn it!  and also…NO! 

5:25 pm…thought I would try to relax at the rink until 5:40 at which point daughter number two is done with practice…I was wrong…so wrong…a hockey board member (name withheld) approaches me and says she needs my sons birth certificate…now.

5:27 pm…hop in lightning fast Lincoln press the “invisible from police officers” shield and proceed through the streets of town heading for home again at approximately five gagillion miles per hour to scan, and print sons birth certificate…

5:40 pm back at the rink…beeyotch is gone…but look!  Hubby has arrived!  Receive rather big hug from hubby and as I am hoping that all things are better now, he says…”I don’t think we are going to make it to JP’s on time for dinner”…I respond with…”WHAT!  That was all that was getting me through this day!  What are you doing to me?”

5:45 pm…daughter number two emerges from the locker room smelling like a dead and rotting carcass and says she needs me to bring her to Taylor’s to do a project…Taylor goes to school in our town but doesn’t dwell here, it is a very long drive to Taylor’s house and it is a school night and daughter number three has a band concert at 6:45 pm.  And hell to the no…I am not driving you to Taylor’s, do your project alone at our house and next time pick a partner that lives by us…DUH!…Now SHE need ingredients.  Proceed to grocery store to buy…Chex cereal, brown sugar, Karo syrup, cream cheese, graham crackers, semi sweet morsel, vanilla…

6:05 pm…return home…drive daughter number three to school for band concert…realize we forgot the damn graham crackers.

6:15 pm…call Dad have him pick up some graham crackers.

6:47 pm…Dad and I arrive at the band concert…we listen to the horrible harmonious band concert

7:15 pm…arrive home once again…call JP…GREAT NEWS…they haven’t started eating yet!  Hop back in car and fly to JP’s where we were served a fabulous meal and drank six a few beers talked and then finished up the night with a few really, really, fun rounds of Beer Pong.  Don’t worry, I didn’t know what it was either…but I do now…and it’s a blast!   

12:05 am…arrive home to this…

12:15 am…write this…

Am I still in the running for Mother of the year?  You can just drop my trophy in the mail and ship to: 

555 I have lost my frickin’ marbles

Insane Asylum MN, 55555  USA

PS  Does anyone have any Diazepam???