Life’s short…

Schmucks need not apply… February 28, 2008

Filed under: Blogroll,Career,Humor,Life,Uncategorized — mommy2five @ 7:56 am
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I am going to give you a scenario…

A couple of weeks ago I interviewed 80 gagillion people for 3 positions that I needed to fill at my office. The first one of the morning was a very impressive, cute, young, nicely dressed young lady, who was fairly well spoken, and when she left I was really excited about her. The next was a not so nicely dressed, extremely late for the interview, not so well spoken, not so impressive, gal that made my skin crawl every time she said “Well if you axe me…”, or ” Well you can axe this person…” by the time she left I was already burnt out and ready to axe her! The day went on and interview after interview became even more long and grueling, for the most part, but there were a couple more in between the “junk” that were just as impressive as the first girl, and by that evening I had totally made my mind up on three.  It was crucial at this point to get at least three hired and in by the following week, as we had some clients coming through that we needed to make a good impression on. So, I called the three “chosen” ones and asked them to report to work on the following Tuesday and also told them they should be “dressed for success“, which they totally complied with.  When they arrived I quickly gave each of them some “busy’ work to do to make it look like we were in full production and this is how everyday is, busy, busy, busy…

Girl one“, you know the one, I thought she was going to be great! I sat her down with some stacks of papers that had attachments and needed the staples pulled out of them…she begins

Girl two“, (you don’t know this one but she is now my favorite) I had her separating batches of paperwork…she begins.

Girl three“, (you don’t know this one either but I liked her too)  she sits down and begins counting batches of papers into 100’s.

Well, none of these tasks were hard or strenuous by any stretch of the word…”Girl one” asks to use the bathroom…which, I let her do, because I am nice like that…she emerged from the bathroom approximately 20 minutes later…what the hell was she doing in there?  She sits back down at the desk I had placed her at for about 3 minutes and then asks “Can I make a personal phone call?”…I again said sure and she proceeded back to the bathroom area to make the call…15 more minutes go by and she finally returns. She begins working on the stack of papers I gave her again for about 10 minutes or so and then asks the my original employee if there was a place to go smoke…WTF? You haven’t even been here for an entire hour yet!!! All the while the other two newbies continue on diligently with their busy work…

Here is my dilemma…

The day they came in was strictly for “show” purposes, (they all knew we wouldn’t actually be doing any real work) because of the client walk through that we had that day, the actual start date for them is going to be on the 15th of March, at which point my plan was to train them in on a really big project for an entirely different client. (BTW, we did sign the client we had on that walk through date, so I see more hiring in the near future, lucky me). Alright…the dilemma…sometimes I get off the beaten path…I bet you didn’t notice that…anyway, I have already brought “Girl two” in and have started training her, she is working out beautifully. I am thinking about bringing in “Girl three” on Monday to start training her, I am certain she is also going to work out just great. About “Girl one“…I don’t even want to start her because I am certain we are not going to see eye to eye…I know what I need to do…I just don’t know how to do it…How does this sound:

Hi “Girl one” (insert real name here),

 This is Gina from Hiring Schmucks is Not My Gig International, (insert real company name here) I am emailing to tell you that our big assignment that was to launch on April 1st has dropped as a client…we won’t be needing any additional help at this time. I am real sorry, but I thought I would let you know so you can begin seeking employment elsewhere.

Thank you

What I would really like to say:

Hi “Girl one” (insert real name here),

 This is Gina from Hiring Schmucks is Not My Gig International, (insert real company name here) I am emailing to tell you that although you would definitely get an A++ from the fashion police, your work ethic clearly sucks and I already have an employee that occupies that part of the office so I am not in need of another one at this time. If in the near future I am seeking someone who can work 1/8th of the day consistently I will contact you. I am real sorry, but I thought I would let you know so you can begin seeking employment with a company who is looking for a professional, 20 minute tinkling, 15 minute phone talking, I have been here 45 minutes oh my gawd I need a cigarette kind of employee.

Thank you

Which one do you feel is more appropriate? The short and sweet, or the reality check?

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WOW I am SO Stoked! January 12, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — mommy2five @ 4:51 pm
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Why haven’t I written? Well, I guess I keep telling myself it is better to put quality words down or nothing at all and if I…A…don’t have time…or B…can’t think straight enough to make sense…then I probably…C…shouldn’t write (never mind the 3:00 am posts…they don’t figure  into this type of logic and could happen at anytime without my actual control).  I have had a ton of things on my mind that have really clouded my rational thinking. My mind always races anyway but somehow now it is worse than ever. Really it has always been that way for me…I am incredibly analytical, always have been, to the point that it even stops me from even getting solid sleep…I mean I sleep…I just don’t actually sleep.  Then I get these really strange tension type headaches that don’t actually hurt they just bother me. When that starts to happen I know that I have to focus harder on trying not to think…about anything. I know…I am weird…you don’t have to tell me.

Does anyone remember when I started this whole thing? I do. My life was simpler…I had five kids all in different activities all of the time and all I did was run around with them, clean the house, do the shopping, the laundry, and run my small but somewhat still busy enough photography business…for the most part. I kept telling myself that I really needed  to start focusing on not being so busy…not having so much to do…learning how to relax was a big thing for me…I don’t relax…ever. I had actually pledged to myself back in September that since the kids were back in school…all full time…I would capitalize on the time by myself during the day and focus on catching up things I had been meaning to do for like ever and start the process of finding ways to relax me…both mentally and physically.

Then one day…my niece called me and asked if I wanted to go to a data entry seminar to work from home. I honestly have to tell you I thought it was a total scam and that there was no possible way that this was for “real”. I was very skeptical, but went to the seminar anyway. Since everything checked out with the company and I felt somewhat secure that it was not a scam I signed up with them to start doing data entry on-line from home at my leisure.  Perfect right? I could work…A…when I wanted to and…B…if I wanted to…from home. Three days after I got my passwords to begin the work at home process the guy that runs the “at home” department of the company called and asked if I could come into the office. I said I could and by the end of the day…I had a job! Part time…but a job nonetheless…for the first time in 18 years.

Well…that was the day my life took an incredible turn…in a direction…I am still not sure which direction…I think I am dizzy…but am definitely going in a direction….spinning really…yeah…really dizzy.

Here is a list of things I think about daily(and in most cases nightly…and also yes…while I “sleep”)…

~How is it that people with terrible work ethics can manage to get paid lots of money per hour to work harder at doing less work than just doing the work that needs to be done in an efficient manner?

~Why are some people just incapable of doing a good job…even if it’s just removing a friggin’ staple from a friggin’ piece of paper?

~What the hell takes some people 30 minutes longer to drive from point A to point B and back than the same drive takes other people?

~When all there is about a job is just to come in and do it…no managing, no worrying, no nothing, just do the job…what the hell is so stressful about it?

~Why do some people complain obsessively about nothing?

~If your boss asks you to dress for success because there are clients coming in and they would like everyone to look professional for that particular day…what the heck?  Just do it! You don’t have to dress up the rest of the friggin’ time what is the problem? And just an FYI for you…black jeans DO NOT qualify as dress pants…and no…I don’t care if they are new or not.

~Wow! Do the owners know that if you have approximately 1.5 hours worth of work to do you can manage to make it last for at least 4 hours just so you can draw a bigger paycheck…I am still thinking that there is some sort of talent involoved in this technique.  And just another FYI for ya, that is in my humble opinion…STEALING!

~When you get to work at 8:30 am and you know you have to leave at 11:30 am to go do the point A to point B and back thing (remember that point A to point B thing that takes you an extra half hour longer than it should? You could totally smoke like three extra heaters on that run)…one cigarette break in three hours is not in my opinion necessary and two is completely out of the friggin’ question…geeze.

~OH MY GAWD!!! They totally are giving me the new supervisor position at the new place we are moving to in like 2 weeks or less and you two “been there for five whole months longer than me superdy duperdy lllaaazzzyyy ass pieces of crap” are going to have to start following my rules or get out and oh my gawd I could pee myself (except that would be gross and stuff and you know how I don’t like germs and stuff) and OH.MY.GAWD.THEY.ARE.MAKING.ME.THE.NEW.SUPERVISOR!!! and also I think they said something about paying me more money or something but everything went kinda foggy after the whole “You’re going to be the new supervisor” thing and all.

~Oh my gosh I have to check the hockey schedule in the morning…don’t forget to check the hockey schedule in the morning. (This one runs through my head way too much.)

So you see…my head is full of all kinds of stuff and I have had a ton of things on my mind mostly because I didn’t know if the big guys at work knew or not what was going on in our little office away from the big office. The whole thing about people with poor work ethics has always bothered me even before I had a real job and had to deal with it first hand. I am not very tolerable of people who think that someone always owes them something. That mentality makes me crazy and that is what these two coworkers of mine are like. Don’t even worry about the fact that they work as little as possible to get as much money as possible and then think that they deserve some sort of recognition for it. The one actually thinks that she is already my boss and I think she is certain she is going to be offered the supervisor position and won’t she be surprised when she finds out that that is sooo far from reality…I so can’t wait. I just found all of this out on Thursday and they haven’t exactly told these other two yahoos yet and I so hope they tell them when I am not there and it would be really rockstar if they would just get really angry and quit cuz that would be best I think…for all of us involved…especially me.

Well, anyhow…my hubby is waiting very patiently for me to go get ready to go out on our date and I am not exactly ready yet…so I guess I have to go now…

PS I don’t have time to proofread and really shouldn’t hit publish but I am going to anyway because I don’t want to get yelled at anymore for not posting and also…geeze I hope I made some sort of sense?

No Terri…we haven’t been using my new laptop for that…yet.