Life’s short…

Schmucks need not apply… February 28, 2008

Filed under: Blogroll,Career,Humor,Life,Uncategorized — mommy2five @ 7:56 am
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I am going to give you a scenario…

A couple of weeks ago I interviewed 80 gagillion people for 3 positions that I needed to fill at my office. The first one of the morning was a very impressive, cute, young, nicely dressed young lady, who was fairly well spoken, and when she left I was really excited about her. The next was a not so nicely dressed, extremely late for the interview, not so well spoken, not so impressive, gal that made my skin crawl every time she said “Well if you axe me…”, or ” Well you can axe this person…” by the time she left I was already burnt out and ready to axe her! The day went on and interview after interview became even more long and grueling, for the most part, but there were a couple more in between the “junk” that were just as impressive as the first girl, and by that evening I had totally made my mind up on three.  It was crucial at this point to get at least three hired and in by the following week, as we had some clients coming through that we needed to make a good impression on. So, I called the three “chosen” ones and asked them to report to work on the following Tuesday and also told them they should be “dressed for success“, which they totally complied with.  When they arrived I quickly gave each of them some “busy’ work to do to make it look like we were in full production and this is how everyday is, busy, busy, busy…

Girl one“, you know the one, I thought she was going to be great! I sat her down with some stacks of papers that had attachments and needed the staples pulled out of them…she begins

Girl two“, (you don’t know this one but she is now my favorite) I had her separating batches of paperwork…she begins.

Girl three“, (you don’t know this one either but I liked her too)  she sits down and begins counting batches of papers into 100’s.

Well, none of these tasks were hard or strenuous by any stretch of the word…”Girl one” asks to use the bathroom…which, I let her do, because I am nice like that…she emerged from the bathroom approximately 20 minutes later…what the hell was she doing in there?  She sits back down at the desk I had placed her at for about 3 minutes and then asks “Can I make a personal phone call?”…I again said sure and she proceeded back to the bathroom area to make the call…15 more minutes go by and she finally returns. She begins working on the stack of papers I gave her again for about 10 minutes or so and then asks the my original employee if there was a place to go smoke…WTF? You haven’t even been here for an entire hour yet!!! All the while the other two newbies continue on diligently with their busy work…

Here is my dilemma…

The day they came in was strictly for “show” purposes, (they all knew we wouldn’t actually be doing any real work) because of the client walk through that we had that day, the actual start date for them is going to be on the 15th of March, at which point my plan was to train them in on a really big project for an entirely different client. (BTW, we did sign the client we had on that walk through date, so I see more hiring in the near future, lucky me). Alright…the dilemma…sometimes I get off the beaten path…I bet you didn’t notice that…anyway, I have already brought “Girl two” in and have started training her, she is working out beautifully. I am thinking about bringing in “Girl three” on Monday to start training her, I am certain she is also going to work out just great. About “Girl one“…I don’t even want to start her because I am certain we are not going to see eye to eye…I know what I need to do…I just don’t know how to do it…How does this sound:

Hi “Girl one” (insert real name here),

 This is Gina from Hiring Schmucks is Not My Gig International, (insert real company name here) I am emailing to tell you that our big assignment that was to launch on April 1st has dropped as a client…we won’t be needing any additional help at this time. I am real sorry, but I thought I would let you know so you can begin seeking employment elsewhere.

Thank you

What I would really like to say:

Hi “Girl one” (insert real name here),

 This is Gina from Hiring Schmucks is Not My Gig International, (insert real company name here) I am emailing to tell you that although you would definitely get an A++ from the fashion police, your work ethic clearly sucks and I already have an employee that occupies that part of the office so I am not in need of another one at this time. If in the near future I am seeking someone who can work 1/8th of the day consistently I will contact you. I am real sorry, but I thought I would let you know so you can begin seeking employment with a company who is looking for a professional, 20 minute tinkling, 15 minute phone talking, I have been here 45 minutes oh my gawd I need a cigarette kind of employee.

Thank you

Which one do you feel is more appropriate? The short and sweet, or the reality check?

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Have you EVER? January 31, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — mommy2five @ 8:04 pm
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Ok, so I feel somewhat like a complete and total moron most days lately…here is what I have done in the last week…feel free to sympathise on the basis that you have done some of these same things…

As I am talking to my aunt on the phone trying to get out the door to go to work all the while frantically searching for my damn CELL PHONE…scrambling around the house in and out of the truck…down to my office and back upstairs…into my bedroom out to the kitchen…back to my bedroom and then on to my bathroom…all the while talking to my aunt…on my FRIGGIN’ CELL PHONE…searching…searching…as she says…and I quote…”what the heck are you looking for?”…I say…”My Friggin’ cell phone”…she says…”The one you are talking to me on?”…I say…”Aahh Efen-A!!…What the hell was I thinking?” There went 20 solid minutes of my life.

I get up…get ready for work…start the truck…put on my coat, gloves, and glasses…scoop up my cup of coffee, laptop, purse…and start my frantic search for the keys.to.my.truck…you know the ones…that I already.started.the.damn.truck.with? Another 20 solid minutes out of my life.

Driving along down the freeway on my way back to my office…clearly my mind is in a fog until…suddenly I realize I have passed my exit and I am almost to the bridge that goes directly to my house…have to take the cloverleaf back the other direction on the freeway and back track my sorry ass to my office where I was originally going…not only another 20 minutes out of my life…but about $6.00 extra out of my damn pocket considering the awesome gas mileage my rockstar Lincoln SUV gets.

Go to Beauty Mart to specifically buy some supplies for the secret project…walked out with numerous other items that in no way involve the secret project…and didn’t purchase the originally planned and also very necessary items. Went back the next day and the damn door was locked at 7:49 pm…they aren’t suppose to close until 8:00 pm…needless to say this time I was really really pisster. 11 minutes? I can totally understand 2-3 minutes before 8:00 pm…but hell no not 11 whole minutes…What the eff? I am so going to go there when the manager is there and tattle on the damn lazy ass that closed the door 11.whole.minutes.early. Doesn’t she know how badly I needed those items? I mean it’s the weekend…DUH!

In all seriousness…my brain is fried…I never knew this whole having a full time job and trying to keep up with these kids and their sports and the regular stuff like making an actual meal for supper, doing the laundry, shopping, cleaning, etc…would be such a challenge. I almost took a picture of the laundry room for you all…it’s been bad before…but this was completely out of control…OH MY GOODNESS…what the hell blew up in here? Did the laundry mate while I was at work today? It was like that episode of Star Trek when the Tribbles multiplied…no really… no joke…but thought twice about the picture thing because I didn’t want to scare anyone. I have just about got it under control now but it wasn’t easy.

In the midst of trying to keep things somewhat under control at home and completely furnishing and setting up a whole new office space for my department at work I also attended 3 funerals and 2 wakes since last Saturday.  I am totally funeral-ed out so no more damn dying anyone…GOT IT? I am a member of my daughter who plays varsity hockey’s Redline club…it’s the club that funds all of the extra activities and special things the girls do throughout the season…I love to be involved with these associations, it keeps us involved with our kids and the community and I have also made a ton of really awesome friends…so anyhooo…the big spaghetti fundraiser was on Saturday last weekend which clearly meant that we had to cook the sauce on Thursday night (I thought they said get sauced so of course I showed up) did you know that it takes until 1:00 am to make spaghetti sauce for 600 people? What? Well it did…then on Friday night after the hockey game got over with we had to go and cook the noodles…until…you guessed it…1:00 am…then I promptly got up at six.friggen.forty.five. in the friggen morning on Saturday to go to the Band Backers breakfast fundraiser for our lovably nerdy middle daughter and then off to the VFW again for the actual spaghetti dinner fundraiser…I arrived home after an entire day of drinking at the VFW and then meeting up with my bestest buddy and her husband (and of courseHomie DJ DAWG himself) for a couple of drinks at Sargeant Peppers…I think I arrived home at approximately 12:3o am-ish….and yes just in case you were wondering I was exhausted and extremely hung over on Sunday. Thanks for asking…

The good news…I also belong to the volunteer committee for Fastpitch Softball…Saturday is the taco feed and meat raffle fundraiser…I am totally planning another hangover this Sunday…does anyone have a problem with that? Yep…I didn’t think so…