Life’s short…

Crap and Corruption Continued… November 29, 2007

Filed under: Beer,Blogroll,Humor,Life,Parenting,Stupidity — mommy2five @ 8:25 am
Tags: , , , , ,

Ok, so I haven’t been too avid about posting lately…I will just say this…It’s my blog and I will write when I want to…sung to the tune “It’s My Party and I will Cry If I Want Too”  Well anyhoo…did you miss me?  Allow me fill you in on the last 9 days…

Wednesday the 21st was a lot like this topped off with a whole lot of this.  The night before Thanksgiving is a huge event in the town we live in.  It is a lot like a high school reunion thing where everyone crawls out of the woodwork to party and well…I guess…reunite…and drink…a lot.  I think we got home real, real late and were maybe sleeping by approximately 5:00am…come on, I can’t give you all of the details!  Got up at the crack of dawn (11:30am) on Turkey day…just in time to throw some stuffing in the turkster, and toss it the roaster for the day, but not until after we paraded him around naked doing the turkey dance…hey…the “Turkey Dance”…that’s a new one.  Cleaned, cleaned, cleaned, and threw in approximately 20 or so loads of laundry so my house could look somewhat presentable for my favorite peeps to arrive at 4:30pm.  Let the festivities begin…

We had a great night stuffing ourselves and playing games and I of course drank lots more beer to cure the leftover hangover (which worked well and I actually think I am going to utilize that theory more often) we proceeded to stay up until after 1:00am…again.  Normally my hubby and I would get into bed early on Thanksgiving night so we can get up at the butt crack of dawn to plow through the crowds of vicious shoppers trying to get that steal of a deal…needless to say…I wasn’t in the mood and neither was the hubby.  Instead we set the alarm for the butt crack of dawn (for real this time, 5:00am) rolled over in bed, grabbed the laptop and efficiently ordered up the one thing we wanted to get…online…rolled over and went back to sleep until noon.  AHHH the life! 

Saturday was more of this and Sunday followed with this

Monday was a slight bit different with the fact that I woke up to get ready for work and my face was slightly swollen…hmmm…I thought…actually it was more like…”Holy effing shit!!!  What the hell is that???”  It seams as though I was bitten by a giant tarantula while I slept…ok, so maybe it was just a plain old spider, but by the looks of my face you would have thought it was a giant tarantula…I did.  As the day went forward…it swelled to astronomical magnitudes…I.was.not.happy.  By the end of the night I felt and looked like someone had socked me in the cheek.  Well, maybe it wasn’t quite that bad…it felt like it.  I went to sleep thinking that by morning it would subside a bit…not.  I woke up on Tuesday and looked just as bad as it did the day before…nice.  The rest of Tuesday went a bit like this, only mixed in with the fact that we were at the hockey rink from 3:00 pm until 10:30 pm because all three of the hockey playing kids had hockey…one.right.after.the.other…and Kate played two games…in.a.row.  Uuughh.  Iamsosickofhockey. 

On a much happier note…my little angel Madison was watching me apply my makeup this morning…lots of makeup…I was trying to hide the tarantula bite…which now actually just looks a lot like a giant zit…which I can almost live with…and she said “Mommy, why do you put that stuff on your face, you are pretty without it”  She melts me…and also…I love her. 

Well, that should about wrap it up…I am off to go shopping with my favorite bud eva!!!  Have a great day!!!

Advertisements
 

Possibly another Drunken story… October 23, 2007

Filed under: Bars,Beer,Blogroll,Boredom,Humor,Life,Stupidity,Therapy,Uncategorized — mommy2five @ 9:15 am
Tags: , , , , , , ,

This is a mostly fictitious story possibly based on somewhat actual events that may or may not have occurred on Saturday night…the characters names have been changed to conceal their identities…um…nevermind the photo’s…

(No photo of “T2” is available at this time)

Three amigos, Homie “G”, Homie “T”, and “T2”, set out for a night of fun, the plan was to meet up with a group of other friends at a quaint little place for a few rounds of drinks and some bad um awesome singing, when late in the afternoon it seemed as though the group of others would not be able to make it out.  Oh NO!  Plans had been foiled and Homie “G” was feeling a bit like the night was going to be a flop.  Homie “T”, however, still optimistic that a night of fun was still ahead.  So after much deliberation, the three set out to the quaint little place anyway. 

Upon arriving, their favorite high top was empty and calling their names, they got seated and ordered up a bucket of beer.  The high top next to theirs was occupied by another group of three amigos, how ironic?  We will call them Pink, Brown, and Big “R”.  Homie “G” addresses the group at the other high top, because she is bold like that.  It appeared as though it was Pinks birthday and the three of them were there to celebrate, Pink was already close to three sheets and was an absolute blast!  Brown a little quieter but still a fun girl was well on her way also, Big R seemed to be the instigator in why the two girls were already toast at 9:30 in the evening. 

Soon the two high tops became one, and the two groups of three became a group of six, new friendships had been formed!

“T”, “G”, Pink and Brown continue to tear the place up with lots of horrific, I mean ROCKSTAR singing, and laughter, as Big R and “T2” look fondly upon their chicks.  The night was going fairly smoothly at this point and Big R decides to order up a round of Blow Jobs for the group.  “G” being a beer only kinda gal, hesitantly slams her Blow Job all the while proclaiming her blatant dislike of hard liquor because she knows she will pay severely for it later, and BTW…it tasted like heaven. 

As the evening turned into the wee hours of the morning…1:00am, the bar owners decide to kick them all out…no, I don’t know why…it’s not like the six amigos were out of control or anything…anyway, after the exchange of phone numbers and emails, and lots of hugs kisses and “I love you’s”, cuz you know when you are that drunk, you will hug anyone near you, and friendships that were formed at a bar in 3.5hours “are” for life and you suddenly love these people and you will miss them dearly for sure.  Pink, Brown, and Big R, stumble across the parking lot to the hotel they were staying, and “G”, “T”, and “T2”, get in their motor vehicle to drive home (fortunately “T2” was sober to drive), “T2” and “G” arrive in “T’s” driveway to drop her off and proceed home.

Approximately 1 mile later…“G” says…

“I don’t…BLAAAHHEECCH…I don’t feel so good…hmmm…that strangely tasted like a Blow Job”…no, silly not that kind…the one “G” drank…nevermind

Hey, did you know it is totally un cool to blow chow all over a Lincoln Navigator?  Neither did “G” until Saturday night!

The end

 Stay tuned for the sequel…The Halloween Story, where “T”, “G”, “T2”, and a new character (to be announced) will be playing out their roles in an adventure taking place at Roddy’s, a little shit hole bar in…oh forget it…just stay tuned!