Life’s short…

Schmucks need not apply… February 28, 2008

Filed under: Blogroll,Career,Humor,Life,Uncategorized — mommy2five @ 7:56 am
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I am going to give you a scenario…

A couple of weeks ago I interviewed 80 gagillion people for 3 positions that I needed to fill at my office. The first one of the morning was a very impressive, cute, young, nicely dressed young lady, who was fairly well spoken, and when she left I was really excited about her. The next was a not so nicely dressed, extremely late for the interview, not so well spoken, not so impressive, gal that made my skin crawl every time she said “Well if you axe me…”, or ” Well you can axe this person…” by the time she left I was already burnt out and ready to axe her! The day went on and interview after interview became even more long and grueling, for the most part, but there were a couple more in between the “junk” that were just as impressive as the first girl, and by that evening I had totally made my mind up on three.  It was crucial at this point to get at least three hired and in by the following week, as we had some clients coming through that we needed to make a good impression on. So, I called the three “chosen” ones and asked them to report to work on the following Tuesday and also told them they should be “dressed for success“, which they totally complied with.  When they arrived I quickly gave each of them some “busy’ work to do to make it look like we were in full production and this is how everyday is, busy, busy, busy…

Girl one“, you know the one, I thought she was going to be great! I sat her down with some stacks of papers that had attachments and needed the staples pulled out of them…she begins

Girl two“, (you don’t know this one but she is now my favorite) I had her separating batches of paperwork…she begins.

Girl three“, (you don’t know this one either but I liked her too)  she sits down and begins counting batches of papers into 100’s.

Well, none of these tasks were hard or strenuous by any stretch of the word…”Girl one” asks to use the bathroom…which, I let her do, because I am nice like that…she emerged from the bathroom approximately 20 minutes later…what the hell was she doing in there?  She sits back down at the desk I had placed her at for about 3 minutes and then asks “Can I make a personal phone call?”…I again said sure and she proceeded back to the bathroom area to make the call…15 more minutes go by and she finally returns. She begins working on the stack of papers I gave her again for about 10 minutes or so and then asks the my original employee if there was a place to go smoke…WTF? You haven’t even been here for an entire hour yet!!! All the while the other two newbies continue on diligently with their busy work…

Here is my dilemma…

The day they came in was strictly for “show” purposes, (they all knew we wouldn’t actually be doing any real work) because of the client walk through that we had that day, the actual start date for them is going to be on the 15th of March, at which point my plan was to train them in on a really big project for an entirely different client. (BTW, we did sign the client we had on that walk through date, so I see more hiring in the near future, lucky me). Alright…the dilemma…sometimes I get off the beaten path…I bet you didn’t notice that…anyway, I have already brought “Girl two” in and have started training her, she is working out beautifully. I am thinking about bringing in “Girl three” on Monday to start training her, I am certain she is also going to work out just great. About “Girl one“…I don’t even want to start her because I am certain we are not going to see eye to eye…I know what I need to do…I just don’t know how to do it…How does this sound:

Hi “Girl one” (insert real name here),

 This is Gina from Hiring Schmucks is Not My Gig International, (insert real company name here) I am emailing to tell you that our big assignment that was to launch on April 1st has dropped as a client…we won’t be needing any additional help at this time. I am real sorry, but I thought I would let you know so you can begin seeking employment elsewhere.

Thank you

What I would really like to say:

Hi “Girl one” (insert real name here),

 This is Gina from Hiring Schmucks is Not My Gig International, (insert real company name here) I am emailing to tell you that although you would definitely get an A++ from the fashion police, your work ethic clearly sucks and I already have an employee that occupies that part of the office so I am not in need of another one at this time. If in the near future I am seeking someone who can work 1/8th of the day consistently I will contact you. I am real sorry, but I thought I would let you know so you can begin seeking employment with a company who is looking for a professional, 20 minute tinkling, 15 minute phone talking, I have been here 45 minutes oh my gawd I need a cigarette kind of employee.

Thank you

Which one do you feel is more appropriate? The short and sweet, or the reality check?